Those of you who remember me 50 pounds heavier in my 20's know I've always had a slightly shaky relationship with food. Mostly sugar. My parents used to hide the treats from me. I said for years that I had a loop track going in my head saying, "Can we have a cookie? Is it time for a cookie now? What about now???" Incessantly. I spend a ton of my time thinking about what I'm going to put in my mouth next -- which is probably one reason art is such a joy to me, because it's the thing I'm most likely to lose myself in for a while and not think about food.

In my late 20's my dad was newly single and going on a ski trip/legal conference but didn't want to go alone. All of us in my family knew that I was never going to be a candidate for downhill, with its speed and athleticism, but Dad talked me into trying cross country. I knew I was going to be terrible at that, but I didn't want to also be embarrassed by my total lack of wind and stamina, so Dad and I started walking daily to get ready for the trip. As it turned out, I never could stay upright long enough for wind or stamina to be an issue. I did, however, find myself a happy winter occupation of going out snowshoeing with a sketchbook in my pocket.

By the time the trip had rolled around, I was already losing weight (slowly) and feeling physically better, so I kept up the walking and didn't actually diet (I hate going hungry), but I made some substitutions in my eating habits that felt sustainable long term. I lost the 50 pounds over a year and a half or so and managed to keep them off, finding a balance between eating what I enjoy and moving enough to offset it.

Then menopause hit, followed by long covid, which has meant an interruption to the daily 3 mile walks I did for decades, and it's been more of a struggle. I work at home right next to the kitchen and I'm a stress eater, so periodically I fall into putting more things into my mouth than I'm physically hungry for. When that happens, I do a day or two at a time of a food journal. The rule is that before I eat something, I have to draw it, so it makes me more mindful. It's also positive and satisfying activity, rather than a punitive measure.

A lot of these pages are done with a pair of ink brush pens, one dark and one lighter in tone, but I also use these pages to play with different media than I normally use. I keep them pretty quick so meals don't get cold. Another upside is more mindfully enjoying my mixed pottery collection that I use for my daily meals. Above are a teapot from Sauk Mountain pottery in WA (and the memory of sharing it with a good friend), a bowl and teacup with a Julian of Norwich quote by Melissa Bridgman here at home.

I like the idea of markers, but usually I reach for watercolor instead when I'm out sketching, so a food journal page can be a good reset.

One time I was away from home (and away from my regular big sketchbook for this) and tried watercolor instead, but it was too much of an effort to keep up. The food journal can't be too big a mental barrier or I won't do it at all. But watercolor was fun for a day.

I have been kind of fascinated by the advent of GLP-1s and read a lot about them. I'm mostly holding steady where I want to be and don't like adding medicine I don't need, but it is HARD to lose weight the old way, and I'm so glad for my friends who have found the relief they need. It's also been such a comfort to me to read the experience of others and hear the term "food noise." I come from a family of people who legit forget to eat lunch (never have I ever), and I thought I was a freak outlier with my internal cookie loop track. It turns out there are a lot of people wired the way I am, and that has been such a joy to know. Which is probably one reason I'm stepping in here and writing a much more personal blog post than I usually do. Another reason is that I'm still working on the memoir and getting more used to the idea of sharing  personal details. When I do take that leap, I find the sharing  makes bridges and helps other people, the way that reading about food noise helped me.

I don't hold myself strictly to these food journal days. It's meant to be mindful rather than punitive. Sometimes unexpected things happen during the day, and I fizzle.

Sometimes I fizzle super fast.

The flip side of all these food journal pages is a quantity of pages in my regular sketchbook celebrating treats. Yesterday was one of those days. I walked inside Crosstown (bad air lately with the smoke pollution) and felt called by the nearby cinnamon rolls at Lucy J's bakery afterwards. I've always loved Wayne Thiebaud's paintings of cakes and pies and all the good things. So often when I'm having something delicious, I like to enjoy the look of it by sketching it before eating it. I did a whole show one year, buying eclairs, Napoleons, and macarons in Paris and painting them before eating them. It spreads out and slows down the enjoyment for me. So here is a celebration of yesterday's deliciousness. I'm grateful to have found a moderation I can live with that has room for delight still built in.

I had such a welcome day yesterday. Events have overtaken me lately, and I've barely been getting through the necessaries with no time for the soul giving extras. I kept yesterday morning to finally see the new Parisian Cafe paintings exhibition (clustered around 1900) at Dixon yesterday. Like all large group shows it was a mixed bag, but the good stuff was really good. There was a stunning Vuillard, who is one of my favorites, and a lot of great prints (always happy for me) including a lifesized Steinlen cabaret poster that was beautifully designed and executed. I love that 1900 era, with so many different styles and subjects burgeoning. Clearly in a specific subject matter you don't get as many of the symbolists I love from that period, but they did have a Munch I'd never seen before, and there were a lot of recognizable artists as well as a bunch of new ones to me.

Beautifully, the museum cafe has designed a special menu just for this show. I treated myself to a salad Nicoise outside with the trimmed trees that also feel like Paris and the Rodin sculpture in the background. It was good to see art and take time to sketch again, and I did a big, loose piece in my biggest sketchbook with a dip pen, some green ink, and a bunch of watercolor on top.

That evening was a bonus urban sketchers outing to Shapeshifter Art School. They have two new shows up in their galleries, and it was such pleasure to just relax and sketch and talk with friends. I ended up sketching our founder Elizabeth Alley, who is also a founder of the school. She has been such a light to the art community here in Memphis.

My favorite cafe has a summer special of peach chai. It is delicious. I got it the first time and sketched with walnut ink and a fat yellow marker plus a little paint. Then I kept thinking about it and went back and sketched with the walnut ink again and a little more paint. It's funny. I had one big sketchbook one summer, and I found myself a little reluctant to start a sketch feeling that it was a lot of real estate to cover. I loved the ones I did, but I didn't always sketch as much as I might have. This summer the big one is the one I'm reaching for the most. I decided just to have a large one going alongside my normal size and not try to box myself into one or the other. I think the dip pen is a game changer. It forces me big and loose, and I'm just enjoying playing with the space.

I sketched my tea again this week. This is one of four art deco Bavarian china cups, each with a different pattern. I found them at the thrift store, and they're totally my new favorites. As a bonus, they look fantastic with my crazy fancy Paris brocante teapot, found at the Marche d'Aligre. They also harmonize nicely with Muddy's sweet potato pie. It was a fun morning, and I hope to do some more of these.

I also got back to a little forest sketching on a recent evening walk. I didn't linger since the mosquitoes were finding me, but I enjoyed pulling out my tiny sketchbook that I try to always have on me and do a quick line drawing. I'm still spending most of my time on illustration these days, but sketching feels great when I get to it and keeps me a little looser.

Facebook seems to think it's National Tea Day. I mean, who knows. But it's a day I can totally get behind. Before I saw it I had done this post breakfast sketch. I've been working on careful illustration work for days now, and it felt like time to get out a big brush and be really wet and messy. Mission accomplished. I started with Kaweko Paradise Blue ink, one of my favorites. The stoneware is hand-painted thistle from Scotland. My mom graduated from the University of Edinburgh, and she loved all things Scottish. These are the dishes of my childhood, and I found a cup/saucer/creamer set a few years ago in an antique store and was delighted.

The honey was a gift last week from a friend. I'm so grateful for my Memphis community of people who lift me up when I'm struggling and celebrate with me when I have something good happen. I love living in the place I've grown up and in the house my grandparents bought in 1941. I'd been having a tough day, and the honey was just the sweetness I needed. It's sitting on my counter giving me periodic treats and shining a little sunshine all around it. Fun to paint.

We had a stormy Saturday so Memphis Urban Sketchers met inside Crosstown Concourse, a huge old Sears distribution center that's been converted into apartments, offices, a high school, a YMCA, two theaters, a brewery, and (crucially) my favorite bread bakery Lucy J's. (As opposed to my favorite cake and cookie bakery.) That morning I went in for a ham and cheese pocket or something like that, but the cinnamon rolls smelled SO good that I got one. I got a tea to go with it and settled in to wait for the rain and for friends to show up. It's fun to sketch a treat because I take more time and enjoy it more in the process. It was delicious.

Later while talking to friends I did a quick, smaller sketch of the classic red stairwell in the art gallery section of the building.

I finished the morning having a chat with a different friend while I sketched inside the Memphis Listening Lab with their stunning collection of vinyl that you can have played for you. They have a great soundtrack running, needless to say.

I haven't been sketching much lately, so it felt great to go out and do several, especially while seeing friends at the same time. Urban sketchers is a big part of my social calendar and my absolute favorite group.

I gave myself an art day out today after turning in the cover art for Memphis Magazine's February issue a couple of days ago. I know artists who are disciplined in their work hours and days, but I am not one of them. I work through a lot of weekend time but give myself days off while everyone else is at work (which is the nicest time to take them except for seeing friends who are off work on weekends). Also my time off is muddy anyway, as non artist friends have pointed out to me, since sketching is often part of a day out for me.

Elizabeth Alley was talking at Dixon on her art residency in the arctic circle, which was fascinating. I love the noon Wednesday lecture series because it gets it on my calendar to take a museum day. And I love vicarious travel and artists talking about their craft. A perfect excuse to get out. And it was great. I chose paradise blue ink to do some of the sketching in because it felt as appropriate for the chill of the subject matter as it does for the blue of the Caribbean. That was the one I spent the most time on, but then she got to her slide of a polar bear track, and I grabbed my tiny purse sketchbook to record that.

It's 70 degrees today and gorgeous, so after walking through the printmaking exhibit again I ordered a peach tea latte and a blueberry muffin to take out into the gardens. Day out indeed. The drink making is delicious but a little slow, so I sat down to wait and sketched the croissant in the case while I waited. That's my gamboge Windsor and Newton watercolor marker as color. I love their juicy, saturated markers.

Sitting outside at Dixon feels a tiny bit like Paris. There are tables behind rows of  pruned trees and boxwood hedges with a view through to a Rodin statue. It always makes me think of the sculpture garden at the Rodin museum just a little, and it's a happy place for me. Sometime I'll sketch that view, but Elizabeth's talk about drawing patterns on her trip stuck with me, and when I looked down at the table base, I drew that instead. I did a whole series of sketches of my black boots when I was traveling in Paris, so again it felt like a small flashback to good times. It was a truly excellent day out.

I'm trying to get myself back to sketching more, and I had a good time with it on Sunday. I watched the last baseball game of the year (for my Cardinals at least, sadly), went and took down my bit of info and some prints I'd put up at the Pink Palace Crafts Fair, and decided to take myself out for fish tacos on a perfect patio night. Henry and I hung out, shared some tacos, read a bit of a good book, and finished with a sketch of the moon. It's Diamine Aurora Borealis ink in my new Lamy fountain pen with watercolor on top. The Baseball one is waterproof black ink with a small patch of watercolor (different Lamy foutain pen).

I had a great weekend. My sister visit led into it, and then Saturday morning I found plums at the farmers market. The NYT had done a piece a few months ago on the most requested recipes of all time, and this plum torte was at the very top of the list. I'm reading Ruth Reichl's memoirs about food at the moment, and then I found the plums. Trying that recipe felt inevitable. It did not disappoint. I put it on my birthday plate from Melissa Bridgman, which (if seen in its entirety) has the quote, "Joy is not meant to be a crumb," and it felt made for savoring this truly delicious thing.

Jill, my honorary sister, met me at the Shell to see Pokey LaFarge, whom I've loved for 15 years, ever since he played a coffee shop concert as one of three jug bands using kazoo. He's more mellow than he was then, but a really good songwriter and a super fun show. Henry and I sat at the way back, and Jill was kind enough to join us in the outcast dog section. Officer Harris, one of the security guards, snapped a photo of the three of us, and I stuck in a little video for fun too. It was great to listen to good music, see friends, sketch a little, and walk home surrounded by neighbors. What a perfect evening.